I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
they need to just BURY HIM!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
