All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
