i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
