Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
