True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
