Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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