I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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