Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize