I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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