Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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