Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
