can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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