The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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