You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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