Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
