You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
