Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
