My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
