OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
