I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
