First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
