He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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