my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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