Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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