I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
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