I can text with my tongue
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
