Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
