Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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