I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
