i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
