It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
