So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
