so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
