So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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