Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
