Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
