Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
