When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
