Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
