WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
