Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
