She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
