you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
