i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize
