My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have aggressive nipples.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
