I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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