make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
