hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
