One girl and one boy is just not enough.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
