i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
a search helicopter?!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
