his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
