Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
