You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
