I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
