as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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