Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
