What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
