who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This is the high leading the old right now
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
