We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
