Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Boobs speak an international language.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
