so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
