I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
