Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize