I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
