I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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